Deceit: A Friends to Lovers Standalone Romance Read online

  I scoffed loudly. “We are more than best friends.” The words came flying out of my mouth before I had a chance to process or contain them.

  Grace snapped her mouth shut and her brows drew together. I felt just as confused. What was happening?

  Her voice finally broke the silence. “Where were you tonight? Or better yet, where do you disappear every night after you say good night to me?” she asked, even though I knew she knew the answer. I had to remember to thank Ida.

  “You already know, so why bother asking?” I retorted, needing a better answer, but my mind was reeling.

  My face scrunched together, as if I was in agony. No, correction, I was in agony. Watching my brother kiss her felt like someone shot an arrow into my chest. Yet, it was me who owed her an explanation. “Gracie, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t Gracie me now,” she quipped, and I flinched.

  Even though we never defined our feelings for one another, it was clear we loved each other as only children our age could. I didn’t know how to explain that I was older and wanted to experience things with girls. Clearly, I wasn’t into courting, as my parents had hoped. Anyway, their hope for me had completely depleted over the last few years when they finally began to understand they were not capable of changing me—nor were they proud of the man I was becoming. I was no good for Grace. She was an angel, perfect. I had growing up to do, and so did she. My parents would never approve. I didn’t want to break her heart. A hundred reasons ran through my mind—all legitimate—reinforcing my decision to keep things platonic between us. Only, she kissed Jacob. My fucking brother. He stole that kiss from me. My thoughts were jarring. I’d never allowed myself to admit that even in my own head.

  “Ida told me, Knox. She told me you go to Des Moines to make out with girls,” she said bitterly as tears began to flow down her cheeks.

  “Ida is right, Gracie. I want to have some fun, but those girls… none of them mean anything to me,” I explained, wishing she would just look at me already. Even a brief glare so she could understand that I only looked at her this way, and those girls didn’t even hold a flame to her.

  “I see. I’m too young,” she murmured. I understood her insinuation that I should be kissing her. I took another step toward her and took her hand in mine. She suddenly looked like a lost little girl, and I was the only light guiding her dark pathway.

  Her teeth chattered, so I pulled her close, and this time she let me. “I’m sorry you’re cold,” I said, my own lips quivering as they touched her forehead. “Gracie, you know you’re special to me. You’re the most special girl in my life. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t ready for, and I sure as hell don’t want to break your heart or hurt you. I’m no good for you,” I spoke truthfully, brushing the words across her ear. She kissed Jacob. How could she do that?

  “Please don’t talk about yourself that way. You know how much I hate it,” she said, finally looking me in the eyes.

  “You kissed Jacob,” I said, my voice cracking on his name.

  “It’s not because I have feelings for him. I know it was wrong to do, but I was angry and he was there,” she said.

  I blew out a breath and looked up to the midnight sky. This was all my fault. Another screw up. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I sure as hell didn’t mean to push you into my brother’s arms,” I said, feeling a bad taste in my mouth at those words.

  “You think I’m too young, but I’m not,” she said, seeming so sure of herself. “I’m ready to kiss you,” she responded bravely, causing my eyes to go round. Her cheeks flushed.

  For the love of everything holy. I was coming apart from her words.

  Eyes half lidded and warm, I gazed at her in the dark. The light of the moon shone, casting a brightness over her pale skin, illuminating her eyes, which now seemed more aquamarine than dark forest green. I felt privileged that someone as good and pure as Grace wanted to kiss me. I tried to wipe the vision of her kissing my brother from my mind, but it was there like a stain. The black sheep was not good enough for this angel. The words branded my soul and made me believe with everything inside me that I was truly born this way. That is why I would never be good enough for her. That is why Jacob got her first kiss, because he was the perfect son.

  “Gracie, I can’t,” I began to say. She abruptly turned away from me, clearly insulted. Hating the hurt in her eyes, I walked over to her, spinning her around. I knew she was feeling rejected, and that wasn’t my intention. More than anything, I realized that I never wanted to see that look of disappointment in her eyes again. I would do anything for the auburn-haired beauty in front of me. Anything. “Please. Not yet. Don’t pull away from me, because I don’t think I would ever survive if you did. I need you in my life, but I need you as a friend. You make me believe that there’s some good in here.” I paused to put my palm over my heart. “Please, Grace. I’m begging you to be my friend for now.” My voice drifted, and I felt like my throat was closing up. If I didn’t have Grace, I didn’t know what I would do with myself.

  Gracie’s eyes began to swell. “Would you relax? I didn’t say I’m going anywhere,” she said, forcing a smile. Her arrival had saved me, so she knew how much I needed her. She’d witnessed my parents’ mistreatment of me. There was no way I was going to lose her.

  I began to breathe again.

  “Wait! I do have an ultimatum.” Gracie nodded, holding up her hand, her lips curved on one side, and a fire burning in her eyes. She pressed a palm to my chest, which held me back from hugging her. I loved that fire inside her. She was shy and timid around others, but I brought out a fierceness in her that only I saw—another reason I was so drawn to her. I decided right then that she would be the end of me, and she was only thirteen.

  “What is it, Gracie?” I rolled my eyes playfully.

  “You need to promise to kiss me soon,” she said with an assured nod. My insides burned because the thought of kissing her drove me wild. I mostly feared I would never be able to stop once I got a taste. I also knew that I would do anything she damn well wanted.

  “I promise on one condition.” I held up a finger.

  “What’s that?”

  “You don’t kiss my brother ever again. Honestly, I think I will have nightmares tonight,” I said.

  She winced. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. My emotions felt so… strong. I was jealous.” She dipped her head.

  “Hey.” I took two fingers and guided her chin up so she’d look at me.

  “I’m really sorry,” she said. “I feel awful. And who knows what Jacob is going to think now. My mind was filled with so many thoughts when I was with him that I barely even remember it.”

  “I can tell you that I’m fucking jealous of my brother,” I said.

  “Don’t be. It was never him. Only you,” she whispered.

  “Thank you.” I breathed the words like a prayer. She was the only light in my dark world.

  Grace turned around and did that little camera-clicking thing with her fingers that she did when she wanted to memorize a moment in her mind. I took her by the hand and led her back to the main house. At least the problem had been averted for tonight.

  At the main house, I bid her good night. We both lingered a little too long on our goodnights as our eyes dropped to each other’s lips. I finally gathered enough will power to clear my throat and pull away. Grace was forbidden fruit. I’d have to consciously remind myself from here on out, because Grace was now aware of kissing.

  Grace

  I tiptoed quietly into the bedroom I shared with Marie. Luckily, she was sound asleep, because I was not in the mood to answer questions of my whereabouts. Flopping down on my pillow, I let out an exasperated breath. Knox was my oldest, bestest friend. I knew what he was thinking. He thought he wasn’t good enough for me, and I hated he felt that way. I would have to make it my mission to make him feel good, make him feel worthy. Sade, Iowa had only been bearable because of him. He was the boy who wrote me
poems and got me to speak when I was drowning in grief. He was so much more than his parents made him out to be. I was going to prove his worthiness, then I was going to make him live up to that promise.

  Chapter 6

  Three years later

  Grace

  “Gracie, hurry.” Knox’s voice carried its way up the stairs to my room where I was busy getting ready for school. My hair wasn’t cooperating this morning and I needed it to look just right. “Gracie, we’re going to be late,” Knox continued to holler. I quickly grabbed my backpack off the floor and made my way downstairs wearing a skirt that sat above my knees and a white button-down blouse. It wasn’t my taste, but it was conservative and acceptable.

  “I’m ready, let’s go.” I grinned, walking past him through the kitchen where I picked up an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter on my way out the front door. Jacob was already in the pickup truck, waiting with the motor running. I opened the front door of the pickup and slid into the middle seat. Not a moment later, Knox got in beside me.

  I was now a sophomore. Dina had registered me at the Hamshean Academy along with Jacob. Knox was a senior at the local high school down the street, and to each of the Duncan children’s surprise, he still hadn’t attended Father Joseph’s Hamshean church on Sundays either. Despite Isaac mentioning on numerous occasions that he would never send his children to the local public school because blasphemous behavior was encouraged there, he rescinded his belief of the public school system where Knox was concerned. Isaac’s mysterious behavior hadn’t gone unnoticed. My siblings were just scared to voice their opinions, which became especially difficult when Isaac stopped getting on Knox’s case about pretty much everything.

  “We’re always late because of you,” Jacob grumbled from the driver’s seat. He put the truck in drive. The old pickup made a rattling sound as we made our way to town. “I swear, one day this thing is going to conk out on us,” Jacob murmured while holding onto the vibrating steering wheel. Isaac liked to say the pickup was an antique, but it was just plain old.

  “At least we don’t have to take the school bus,” I chimed. The two brothers gave each other a sideward glance and a slow smile formed on both of their lips. They were seniors in high school. There was no way they would be caught dead on a school bus. Even studious Jacob had an image to uphold. He, too, wore the standard school uniform of white button-down shirt and dark slacks. He’d grown and filled out over the years, and the white shirt hugged his chest and arms in all the right places. His dark slacks fit nicely over his muscular legs. He had joined the track team and had won some medals in competitions, definitely catching the attention of the girls at school. I still caught him checking me out on occasion, but he didn’t make any more passes at me or mention the kiss we shared eons ago, and for that I was grateful. I had acted out of anger that night, and the kiss meant nothing. I was glad Jacob understood, even though we had never discussed it.

  A few minutes later, Jacob pulled off to the side of the road in front of Knox’s school.

  “Later,” Knox mumbled. Sliding out the door, he turned his head to glance at me with his mouth slightly curving to the side.

  “Bye, see you later,” I called out, shifting over on the seat.

  Knox’s eyes darted to his brother and darkened. “Bye, brother,” he said with a sternness that sent a chill down my spine. I wasn’t completely oblivious. I knew I was the cause of the tension between them.

  Jacob lifted his finger and gave the traditional Iowa wave before Knox shut the door and Jacob drove off. It was the same routine every morning when we dropped Knox off at school. It made me wonder if Knox had warned Jacob to stay away from me. I never asked him, even though we were close, because I still felt guilty for kissing Jacob when it should have been Knox who I gave my first kiss to.

  It was crazy, but all these years later and Knox still hadn’t delivered his promise of a kiss. He was frustrating, that was for sure. I decided that morning that I had had enough. And so I came up with a plan.

  Chapter 7

  Knox

  If Grace had been pretty at eleven and beautiful at thirteen, she was now fifteen and a half and strikingly gorgeous. Her auburn hair thickened and flowed down her back. She grew tall and slender, and her breasts were full and plump. That wasn’t all. Her grass-green eyes contained a sparkle that spoke to the wildness in her heart, especially when those eyes landed on me and caused the earth to tilt sideways as my heart burst from just her gaze. The things that drew me most were her kind heart, understanding, and fun personality. I always knew Grace was my undoing; it was just a matter of time before the prophecy came to fruition.

  Despite my choice of school, I made sure to be a good student. I excelled in math and science and took music classes where I learned to play guitar, which served me well because my music teacher encouraged my natural talent and interest in music. Mr. Briars became my biggest supporter and second-best advocate apart from Grace. With his support, I worked hard honing my skills and playing at some local bars in Des Moines and neighboring towns.

  Being a senior meant I had my future to consider. Music was the only thing I lived for, besides Grace. I wanted a music career. Traveling the world to put on shows was my dream. I just didn’t know how Grace would fit into that picture. She had become more than my best friend, though I never did deliver on my promise of a kiss. For a while, it had been my jealousy at watching her kiss my brother that kept me from her. Then there was the issue that Grace never kept her promise either. She never told me how her mother died. I knew I was making excuse after excuse as to why I wasn’t ready to kiss her. Time passed and I was scared of messing things up between us. Changing the nature of our relationship. What if we got together and it didn’t work? I needed her in my life. And what if we did work and I wanted to leave Iowa, which had always been my plan. I would never leave her behind. Wanting and lusting after her while being terrified of losing her was maddening.

  My mind continuously wandered to what Grace was up to at school and more so… with whom? I began to obsess over it. That didn’t mean I stopped my nightly visits to Des Moines. On the contrary, I upped my number of visits per week and included all kinds of parties that were happening around town. At school, I was the bad boy with a guitar slung over my right shoulder. I had many friends on the football team, baseball team, and even the track team. That didn’t include the number of girls who watched me perform or who turned to putty at the first sound of my voice. To a certain extent, my lust for Grace kept me away from her almost completely. While I was busy with my life, I took solace knowing Grace had made some close friends at school and she busied herself with a vibrant social life. It was better this way because the sexual tension that bubbled to the surface nearly exploded every time I sat next to her in our forest or took a swim in our pond. For that very reason, this past summer I refused to swim with her whenever she’d ask. There was no way I could stand being near her half-naked body and not attempt to take her in every imaginable position.

  As much as my need grew, I also knew I wasn’t good for her. I promised her a kiss, nothing more. And the truth was, maybe Grace realized I truly was a black sheep, because she never cashed in on that promise either. I figured she was a virgin, still pure. I was anything but. It was simple: I had a dark soul and dark wants. No matter how I felt, I wasn’t going to bring the light of Grace into my darkness. I was living life in a never-ending circle I couldn’t escape. Lusting after Grace, then pushing her away, my quest for satisfaction and acting out on my needs, which only made me feel worse and pulled me farther away from her. The past year was proof of my life going downhill without her. If it weren’t for my music, and Mr. Briar’s belief in me, I wasn’t sure where exactly I would be.

  As the school bell ushered in another end to a day, I gathered my backpack and guitar and walked through the school doors into the early autumn heat. On cue, Jacob was waiting in the horrid orange pickup, windows rolled down and Grace beside him in the front seat. T
heir school finished twenty minutes earlier so the scheduling worked well.

  I opened the door to the pickup, I caught Grace’s attire. It had been an excessively hot day for late September, so her hair was pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. The few top buttons of her blouse were undone, revealing cleavage. The bottom of her blouse was tied in a knot, showing off her flat stomach. Her plaid skirt was riding up her thigh, her long, perfect legs on display. I had seen her in this sexy disheveled state before, but with the hot sun beating down on my back and the tumultuous emotions I had been feeling lately about us growing apart, I was overwhelmed and took a large gulp. Jacob gave me a wide grin, watching my eyes roam over the succulent body beside him. I could tell my brother appreciated the view just as much as I did. My lips turned down and I let out a low grunt as I got in the truck without a word to Grace or Jacob. I could barely speak, let alone control the growing erection in my pants or the pain in my heart. Thankfully, I was seated with my school bag in my lap, thinking of my mother to maintain self-control and not pull Grace into the forest the minute we got home, wanting to do all kinds of wicked things to her and listen to her whimper. I only prayed she had never done those things before. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I was losing her, and the thought freaked me out and made me want to claim her all at once.

  “Nice to see you, too, Knox,” Grace scoffed, looking over to me. I hadn’t acknowledged her and now she was pissed. As Jacob drove down the dirt road, a hot breeze entered the truck, and I watched my auburn-haired beauty out of the corner of my eye. She seemed worried. Was she thinking of me? Was I on her mind like she was on mine?

  I had to do something to break the tension between us. No matter what, she was still my Gracie. “How was your day?” I muttered, barely looking at her, but still trying to appease her.