Bitter Sweet Love Read online

  “Hey, Bandita, wake up. It’s already nine o’clock. We should head over to the party.”

  I open my eyes, confused, but at least my head feels better. I look down at my watch. “Wow, I fell asleep for a long time, but my headache’s gone.” I get up from the couch.

  Anna asks, “What are you going to wear?”

  I shrug. “I’m thinking of a dress tonight. Might as well take advantage of the nice weather.”

  I put on a light and summery coral dress. It’s a little fitted on the chest and flows out around the waist. Anna walks out of her room in a tight, short, purple dress, a style she likes to go with a lot and works for her.

  We call a cab because the frat house is a little too far away to walk and head out of the apartment. When we pull up, I can see that the same kegs are set up on the front lawn. They must have needed a refill after last night.

  After grabbing some beer, Anna and I enter the house and go straight for the dance floor. Hot, sweaty people are bumping and grinding, and we stand off to the side, enjoying our beer. I nudge Anna when some of the sisters from last night call us over to the corner where they’re conducting a drinking game based on truth. Someone makes a crazy statement of something they’ve done in the past and if you’ve had that experience, you have to drink. Let’s be honest. I’m sitting in a circle with a bunch of sluts. It’s not a nice thing to say, but it’s the truth, and I’m one, too. I’m not in denial or anything. So when someone makes a statement, it’s not shocking that we all take a shot of the vodka being passed around. In fact, I find that we’re all getting drunk real quick.

  The game ends and I can barely see straight. And I’m so drunk that I have no problem getting on the dance floor among all of the other sweaty people already there. Anna and I are dancing wildly when this guy walks up and introduces himself.

  “Hi, I’m Callen.”

  He’s completely not my type, but I answer him anyway in a clipped tone. “I’m Alexis. This is Anna.”

  He has a big, bright smile and says, “Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Would you girls like to dance?”

  Really he wants to dance with both of us?

  Anna answers, “Sure.” I look up to the ceiling, trying to hide my annoyance.

  I decide to stand off to the side and watch since I don’t want to intrude on Anna and Callen. Everybody’s wasted and practically humping each other. I’ve already slept with quite a few of the frat brothers in this house, so it doesn’t look like there are any new prospects around.

  I’m busy minding my own business, when Kyle, one of the frat brothers I know, presses himself against me.

  “Hey babe, do you want to dance? Haven’t seen you around in a while.”

  He’s a cute guy with dark brown hair, dark eyes, and a great body. I slept with him around two months ago. I don’t remember the night being earth shattering or anything.

  I shrug my shoulders. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

  He’s a pretty good dancer. I’ll give him that. Our bodies are molded together in perfect rhythm and the music, everything from Rihanna to Imagine Dragons, is pumping loudly through the speakers. I let myself get lost in the music when this guy with an accent comes around and sticks his head to the side of me.

  “Would you like to dance?” he asks, with a thick, raspy voice.

  I can’t place the accent, and he’s not dressed like everyone else. He’s wearing a nice pair of jeans, a fitted black t-shirt, and a sport jacket on top. None of the guys from around here dress like that. Everyone wears just a t-shirt of some sort and a casual pair of jeans.

  “Sorry. I’m dancing with someone now. Maybe later.”

  Kyle gives me an annoyed look—like how could I have agreed to dance with someone else, when I was with him? He caresses my shoulders and back. “Come on, Alexis, it was so good last time.”

  I pull away from him a little, not feeling it tonight. “Kyle, I’m really not in the mood.” I lightly push him away. “I’m going outside to get a beer.”

  He’s persistent and says, “‘Kay, I’ll come with you.” He follows me out to the kegs.

  I’m irritated and not hiding the fact. “Whatever,” I say with resignation in my voice.

  I take my beer and sit on the grass in front of the house. It’s dark, and the air is cool. I enjoy looking up at the clear night sky where the stars are shining bright. Kyle sits himself down a little too close, next to me. He begins groping my left breast. I’m trying to push him off of me, but he won’t budge. I look around for someone to notice, but they don’t.

  “Please, Kyle, stop. Let go of me. I said not tonight.”

  He still doesn’t listen. He throws his body on mine and pins me to the grass. Suddenly, the hot guy with the accent comes up from behind and lifts Kyle in the air by the collar of his shirt. Kyle isn’t a small guy, but this guy is seriously packing.

  “I think the lady said she isn’t interested,” the guy says. Then he takes Kyle and sends him flying in the air. He goes crashing on to the grass, and it takes him a few seconds, but he gets up, nods his head, and walks away.

  I’m thankful for this guy, but I can’t help but think that I asked for what Kyle was doing. The guys know I‘m easy, and Kyle didn’t even listen to me say no, as if it were something unfathomable. I stand up from the grass and brush the dirt off my behind.

  I look up at accent guy. He’s tall and very good-looking. “Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it.” I flush, as a wave of embarrassment washes over me at the scene he just disrupted.

  He says, “You know, I think you’re the most beautiful girl here. You have to be more careful with your dancing partners.” His lips are quirked up in the corners.

  “Thanks. I guess you’re right.” I take a moment to check him out and notice that he’s seriously fucking hot. His green eyes have flecks of gold in them and his dark brown hair is a little ruffled, falling into his face. His nose is chiseled and perfect and his strong jaw line makes me want to run my tongue along his five o’clock shadow. His body is ripped, like something unreal. With his sport jacket on, it looks like he came from Hollywood.

  “Are you free to dance with me now?” he asks, extending his hand in a gentlemanly kind of way.

  I’m still feeling a little bothered about what just happened, but the guy did kind of save me.

  “Um…” I’m shaking and I can’t think of what to say. I don’t really feel like dancing, not after Kyle’s assault. I look down at the grass, unsure. His hand brushes my chin, and he lightly tilts my head back up, looking cautiously into my eyes.

  “You’re shivering. Take my jacket.” He slips off his sport jacket and drapes it over my shoulders. I’m not sure if I’m shivering because it’s cold or because of what just happened, but I appreciate the stranger’s kindness and my lips slightly tug up at the corners.

  “My name’s Luc, by the way.” The accent slides sensually off his tongue.

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Alexis.” I extend my hand.

  “That’s a beautiful name,” he says with his head tilted down. His green eyes gaze into me.

  I feel a little shy. I don’t like compliments, but I’m batting my eyelashes at him, which is definitely unusual for me. With his sport jacket off I have a clear visual of his arms and chest, and I am definitely enjoying the view.

  “Thanks, so where are you from?” I ask, trying to make conversation.

  “I’m from France, a small town outside of Paris.” He looks into my eyes, and my knees buckle.

  “Wow, sounds amazing. I minored in history, and I’ve always wanted to go sightseeing in France.”

  “Yes, it is a very beautiful country.” He nods.

  This guy is smoking hot and his accent’s so sexy that he manages to distract my thoughts and I begin to relax.

  “Would you like to take a walk with me?” he asks, extending his arm like a gentleman. I offer my arm and he interlocks his with mine. He leads me up the stairs of the house. I’m drunk, but I don’t know
this guy from Adam. I definitely wouldn’t sleep with him. I’m starting to think that my reputation is catching up with me.

  We get to the terrace on the second floor. It’s a little balcony with a line of wicker couches and iron chairs arranged along the railing and a couple of terracotta pots filled with dead flowers. We’re the only ones up here, and it makes me a little nervous. I try to rationalize that he did save me from Kyle.

  “So what do you do, beautiful Alexis?” Luc asks as we sit side-by-side on one of the couches.

  “I’m in third year law school, working hard to become an attorney one day.” I square my shoulders, sitting tall, with the usual conviction I have in my voice when I speak about law school.

  He nods. “Uh huh, I figured something like that. You have a smart mouth.”

  I smile. “How about you? What are you doing in Canada?” I ask, noticing how intense his eyes look.

  “I have some family here. My cousin is a frat brother as you call it.” Shit, that accent is getting under my skin.

  “Oh yeah, who is he?” I’m silently hoping I haven’t slept with him because that would just be weird.

  “It’s Callen, the one dancing with your friend. I noticed you guys walk in. Callen got to you first, but I was hoping he wouldn’t take you to dance,” he says shyly.

  I let out a breath of air. I haven’t slept with Callen; I’ve never met him before so he must be a new frat brother.

  We continue talking, and I realize that he’s sweet and funny. I like that he’s a little shy and has gentlemanly ways. He slowly moves in for a kiss, and I can tell he’s unsure of himself. It’s soft and welcoming.

  When our heated kiss breaks apart, he looks at me intently. “Would you like to go back in to dance?” Most guys usually want only sex, and I like that he’s not trying to get me into bed right now, especially after what I went through tonight with Kyle.

  “Uh, sure. Sounds good.” I smile, feeling a lot more relaxed.

  We head back downstairs and dance. This time he moves in closer, and our bodies sway in rhythm. He pulls his head back so he’s staring directly into my eyes.

  “Can I ask you twenty questions?” He looks serious.

  I throw my head back laughing, thinking he’s joking. “That sounds like a lot of questions.”

  He grins sardonically. “Hmm, I see. You don’t like to talk about yourself. Don’t worry. I’ll keep the questions light.”

  “Okay, shoot,” I say with a hint of worry in my tone.

  “What type of music do you like?”

  I smirk. I can handle that. “That’s easy. I like all different kinds. Sometimes rock, R&B, hip hop. Right now I really enjoy listening to the Imagine Dragons. Have you heard of them?”

  Luc shakes his head.

  “How about you?” I ask with a flirtatious smile.

  “Similar to you.” He smirks now.

  I don’t know what the smirk is about. It’s like there’s an inside joke and I’m not in on it.

  I search the room for signs of Anna but can’t see her anywhere. Knowing her, she’s off with Callen doing something dirty. I’d better find a cab home, since it’s too far and too late to walk.

  I take a step back from Luc.”It was nice dancing with you, but I’d better head out. I have an early class tomorrow.” I put my arm out to give him a hug.

  He stops me, taking my hand in his. “Wait, how are you getting home? I don’t see your friend or my cousin.”

  “I’ll just call a cab, no worries.” I wave my hand at him.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll drive you. It’s late anyway.” He moves in close to me, lightly touching my waist with his arm. “Besides I only had one beer all night. I’m good to drive and my car is right outside.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  We head out of the frat house. I follow Luc from behind, hoping he isn’t a mass murderer or I’ll have to kill Anna, if I live to see her again.

  Luc’s car is small. He says it’s a rental, and the car he ordered hasn’t come in yet. On the ride home, he talks a lot about Paris, his family and nieces and nephews. It’s endearing to hear a guy talk about his family. It doesn’t usually happen with the guys on campus. We both become silent, and I feel my nerves building. I never show a guy where I live, so I’m breaking a rule, but I have no choice in the matter.

  “My apartment is right there on the corner.” I point to the right, and he pulls to a stop in front.

  “Here, let me get the door for you. I can walk you up and make sure you get in okay.” He gives me a quirky smile.

  My eyes bulge out of my head a little because he’s caught me off guard. I’m never in a situation where a guy has to walk me to the door. “Uh, sure great.”

  I unlock the front door then turn around to thank him. His hand gently catches my chin, moving in close. He kisses my lips, and it feels nice.

  “I’d like to see you again. Will you go out with me tomorrow?”

  I go silent while I contemplate. It sounds like he’s looking to date, not have sex for fun. Dating isn’t really my thing, but I kind of owe him for saving me tonight.

  “Look, I should warn you in advance, I don’t do dating. I have no time.”

  His lips turn up. “You don’t have time or you don’t want to make time?”

  “Both.”

  He nods. “Okay, how about we eat dinner together tomorrow? We need to eat. So we can just do it together.”

  It seems that I’ve dared him without meaning to, and he likes it. Shit.

  “Look, I promised my friend that we’d have a quiet night out together tomorrow. Maybe another time.” I feel bad letting him down because he seems sincere, but I am who I am.

  “Will you at least give me your number?”

  I look at him hesitantly. I’m more a spur-of-the-moment kind of girl. I don’t like handing out my number.

  I notice a look of defeat cross his face, and I relent. “You know what? I work at a bar called Mickey’s. I have a shift on Sunday night. Stop by. It’s a fun place. I can mix you a drink.”

  He nods and heads out. I open the apartment door, feeling something I haven’t in a long time. I’m giddy, like a school girl with a crush. My stomach sinks because I can’t allow this to happen. I’ve met tons of gorgeous guys and never feel anything more than sexual attraction. But Luc seems different, as if he’s been through something. I can tell by the haunted look in his eyes and it draws me to him.

  I undress quickly, sliding on a pair of warm flannel pajamas and get into bed. Only I can’t sleep. I toss and turn, overwhelmed with emotion that I can’t suppress. My eyes slowly grow heavy, and the last thought that crosses my mind before I fall asleep is that I’m screwed.

  Chapter 3

  Life’s Not Peaches and Cream

  September 2012

  I always envied the kids who lived with their mom and dad and had a happy family life. My childhood wasn’t filled with hugs, kisses, smiling faces, and family dinners around the table. My parents divorced when I was nine. I thought it was no big deal because I didn’t really have a relationship with my father, and my parents always did things separately. I never felt that I was missing out on anything, and only later did I realize that it would have been nice to grow up with a father to protect and watch over me. Instead I was left taking care of my sister, myself, and realistically speaking, my mother. I quickly became the adult of the house.

  After the divorce, Mom made Ashley and me the center of her world. She was upset with Dad for not wanting any custody; he just kind of stopped being our dad. She mentioned that he wanted her to sell our home and get something smaller, but Mom was in love with our house. It was a large Victorian and everything she ever dreamed a house should be. She said she would never sell, no matter what. Ash and I were relieved because our best friends lived next door.

  In order to distract us from the loss of our dad, she took us traveling to London, Cape Cod, and New York. When I was eleven and Ash was nine, she took us to Sea World
in Florida. We had the best time ever, and it’s my last good memory of Mom. She let us stay up late and eat junk food and we would sing songs and groove along in the car, but something happened when I turned twelve. I don’t know what it was, but she began drinking, and the woman I’d looked up to, the smart and educated speech-language pathologist who loved to help children, was gone. Instead vodka became her friend of choice and the violence within her erupted. Those violent days have defined me.

  I remember Mom mentioning something about Dad’s secretary being pregnant and that he would have a new family now. I always wondered if that was the key moment that sent her over the edge. Maybe she had hope that he would return, but when she heard of the pregnancy, she realized it would never happen. I think Mom couldn’t handle Dad’s rejection or the fact that he started a new family without us. I never met the baby and I haven’t seen Dad since. Ashley and I took care of ourselves. Mom would hire different nannies to do the cooking and cleaning, but they wouldn’t last long. Once they got a first-hand screening of one of Mom’s drunken rages, they ran for the hills, leaving me to do the housework and take care of Ash.

  Tonight a drunk older lady walked into the bar. I noticed her the second she swayed through the doors, bitterness on her face. My muscles tensed as she sat down at the bar in front of me, asking for vodka straight up and to keep them coming. I turned around to get the bottle of vodka, having every intention of pouring the lady a shot. But I’m thrown back to darker days, my mind forcing out memories I’ve tried to bury deep.

  I come home from school early and the house is quiet. I need to make sure Mom is still breathing. I tiptoe close to her room then peek around the corner of her bedroom, where she’s sitting on her bed. I don’t know why I feel relieved that she’s okay when she’s so cruel to us. The bottle of vodka is open, standing tall on her night table beside the bed. She turns her head at the exact moment I’m checking on her and she spots me. I freeze.